Lack of ability

On my spanky twitter account, you will note a couple of days ago a whimsical entry regarding a round of 80 I achieved at pitch and putt (if achieved is the right word). You will, perhaps, be relieved to know my belief in my own abilities does not yet stretch to taking on Rory McIlroy on a real-life or even 'in my wildest dreams' basis.

Now, I could come up with a number of reasons for a score of 80 - I was not aware we would be playing for starters, and I had expected to only be meeting my friend Simon for lunch. Had I known differently there are any number of stretching exercises and pre-game practice sessions a less lazy version of me might have undertaken. In addition it was frightfully muggy and I felt quite faint in the searing heat and let's not even mention that the steak and ale pie from the aforementioned lunch was weighing heavily in my acceptably flat stomach. Oh, and I had to use municipal clubs and what I consider a sub-standard ball.

No, it would be wrong to lean on excuses (however valid all of them are), I should fess up to a lack of ability at this point. I am just not all that in the golfing world, nor it turns out in the pretendy golf world.

This leads me to a cathartic look inwards and my latest random list of joy. Here are 5 other things that I am not good at.

1) Dancing. I remain clueless at expressing myself in this medium. I can move my arms and I can move my feet, but not at the same time, and certainly not to anything resembling a beat. I do look good in shadows though, so nightclubs are not a complete no-no.

2) Admitting I am wrong. I'll be honest, I am making an assumption on this one. There are far too few occasions for me to be certain, but perhaps it is a weakness of mine?

3) Physical art. I envy those that create beautiful items or paintings. I can weave a few words, but I couldn't paint my way out of trouble even if it was numbered.

4) Timing. If there's a wrong time to say something, count on me to say it. Not only that, count on me to find a way of magnifying my voice so everyone in a wide radius can hear my shame and tut accordingly. Every time I say something horribly inappropriate without causing an international incident is a glorious victory.

5) Shopping. How, why, and from where does anyone acquire the skills or patience to stand more than a couple of minutes in a packed city centre at any time of day at any point in the year? To be honest, I get irritable shopping online.

There, all very healthy, defining one's self through one's inabilities. I encourage you all to do the same and we can have a good sob later ;)