First of all, apologies to Mudpuddlers that I have been quiet the last couple of weeks. To tell you the truth I have had a bout of nothing to sayitis, and felt it best to keep quiet and be a possible fool than open my mouth and leave no doubt at all.
Being a single Mudpuddler, and, as I have lamented on here before, a somewhat lonely one, I have taken to internet dating sites as a means to an end. I am starting to regret it. I have always found the dating scene hard enough as it is, being completely oblivious to being given the come on whether that be with a subtle flash of beautiful eyes, or a rather more obvious statement of intent. Internet dating isn't supposed to be harder! And yet, and yet it most certainly seems to be.
Now, I am no oil painting I'll grant you, but I always fancied I had a certain whimsical attraction, a raspy, rascally smile and such, but over the last few weeks of internet dating (which ought to be known as known as internet humiliation), I am starting to feel like I have a second head that everyone but me can see, or have had some supper from months ago welded to my face without my realising.
I have been meticulous in only trying to engage in conversation those lasses that write a good summary of themselves and seem to want to meet people exactly as I would like to think I am - kind, considerate, warm, amusing and adventurous. Can I get most of them to reply to my missives? Can I bollocks (excuse the French)! I am honestly at a loss to explain why anyone would sign up to a dating website, write all of that and then just ignore someone introducing themselves. 'No thanks' would do, or 'Sorry, I don't like bald guys' or something - but no, I get the cold shoulder from most and the occasional reply seems to consist of 'Sorry, you are not my type' - How do you know?! Seriously, how the hell can you tell without even saying hello to me? I guess 'not my type' equates to 'receeding hairline and no obviously a muscular himbo. So, I get to feel like the Elephant man or some creepy stalker in the shadows on a daily basis. Go me.
It's not supposed to be like this. I am one of the world's good guys - I am supposed to get the girl! And on those occasions when my mask slips and I am clearly not one of the world's good guys but a slightly roguish character - well, hell, I am still supposed to get the girl..... by dint of irresistable roguishness.
It's all a mystery to me, it really is. I am not getting any younger, but I seem to be getting ever more naive. And yet I have come to the realisation that the one thing I don't want to carry through my forties is the loneliness I have taken through a great deal of my thirties.
C'est l'amour, c'est la guerre.
Tuesday 21 June 2011
Wednesday 8 June 2011
Le Rant
I thought I might come on here today and talk a little bit about the world, and how I see it. I will, of course, be careful not to let my view become a fully head-steamed rantathon. After all, what could I possibly find to rant about?
Why, indeed, when the world is such a fulfilling place? Why rant when ambition, that used to be cloaked as a fireman, nurse or train driver, has been replaced with the utterly vapid and senseless desire 'to be a celebrity'? It's not as if anyone is seeking celebrity for achievement, but merely to be famous for fame's sake - the lofty ambition of Man reduced to a burning desire to be the talk of gossip magazines. That's one small step for man, one giant leap on the red carpet. Take back your medals, forget your discoveries. Rush not into danger, practice at nothing for now you have made it when they corner off a piece of a tacky city club for you and yours. And there may you sit, consuming the jealous glances of lesser mortals and hoping, against all hope, that none of us can see you are hollow inside.
Why would I rant when the world of politics is in the care of such giants as now bestride the world stage? Small men, with small dreams fiddling round the margins of Rome as it burns - a little bit of stimulus here, a little bailout there. Why don't you leave it alone, we've built ourselves so many false idols that the altar table is buckling, and the whole lot is about to come crashing down. Infantile changes on the micro scale, and even they are constantly reviewed, renewed or cancelled. It's like nobody is able to function anymore without focus groups and the weight of public opinion on side. What happened to the orators, what happened to men and women of vision? Even the ones I don't agree with, at least I could admire for having the courage of their convictions. What do we have instead? Faceless goons, careerist poiticos, reprehensible, idiotic and forgettable. Even America cannot produce the goods any more. Barack Obama a great orator? Please, he has the most turgid and stilted voice, I tune out every time he is on.
And why would I want to rant at a world that is so perfectly fair in every way? A wonderful world where you rise and fall based on the effort you put in, and everybody gets a fair crack of the whip. No, sorry, that must be a different world I am thinking of. This world is skewed in favour of the crooked, feckless and lazy, all endeavour is punishable by taxation, all achievement to be glossed over, the State has become the overbearing, all-consuming monster. Everything is the State, the State is everything. Tax you, fine you, instruct you, warn you, target you, measure you, punish you, watch you, record you, appraise you and judge you. There is nothing left for the individual, the outcast, the maverick. You must comply, you will comply with the State. Eat the requisite amount of fruit and vegetable, have the same number of children, avoid the foods you are told are bad, even the ones that taste good, exercise in the prescribed fashion, get angry when instructed to do so, fear outsiders, report deviation from the norm, judge your neighbours as you yourself shall be judged. Give up your hopes, retire your dreams, this is the age of the bland, the age of the State, the age after you ceased to matter. All is celebrity, mediocrity and grey.
That was fun. Let's do it again next week.
Why, indeed, when the world is such a fulfilling place? Why rant when ambition, that used to be cloaked as a fireman, nurse or train driver, has been replaced with the utterly vapid and senseless desire 'to be a celebrity'? It's not as if anyone is seeking celebrity for achievement, but merely to be famous for fame's sake - the lofty ambition of Man reduced to a burning desire to be the talk of gossip magazines. That's one small step for man, one giant leap on the red carpet. Take back your medals, forget your discoveries. Rush not into danger, practice at nothing for now you have made it when they corner off a piece of a tacky city club for you and yours. And there may you sit, consuming the jealous glances of lesser mortals and hoping, against all hope, that none of us can see you are hollow inside.
Why would I rant when the world of politics is in the care of such giants as now bestride the world stage? Small men, with small dreams fiddling round the margins of Rome as it burns - a little bit of stimulus here, a little bailout there. Why don't you leave it alone, we've built ourselves so many false idols that the altar table is buckling, and the whole lot is about to come crashing down. Infantile changes on the micro scale, and even they are constantly reviewed, renewed or cancelled. It's like nobody is able to function anymore without focus groups and the weight of public opinion on side. What happened to the orators, what happened to men and women of vision? Even the ones I don't agree with, at least I could admire for having the courage of their convictions. What do we have instead? Faceless goons, careerist poiticos, reprehensible, idiotic and forgettable. Even America cannot produce the goods any more. Barack Obama a great orator? Please, he has the most turgid and stilted voice, I tune out every time he is on.
And why would I want to rant at a world that is so perfectly fair in every way? A wonderful world where you rise and fall based on the effort you put in, and everybody gets a fair crack of the whip. No, sorry, that must be a different world I am thinking of. This world is skewed in favour of the crooked, feckless and lazy, all endeavour is punishable by taxation, all achievement to be glossed over, the State has become the overbearing, all-consuming monster. Everything is the State, the State is everything. Tax you, fine you, instruct you, warn you, target you, measure you, punish you, watch you, record you, appraise you and judge you. There is nothing left for the individual, the outcast, the maverick. You must comply, you will comply with the State. Eat the requisite amount of fruit and vegetable, have the same number of children, avoid the foods you are told are bad, even the ones that taste good, exercise in the prescribed fashion, get angry when instructed to do so, fear outsiders, report deviation from the norm, judge your neighbours as you yourself shall be judged. Give up your hopes, retire your dreams, this is the age of the bland, the age of the State, the age after you ceased to matter. All is celebrity, mediocrity and grey.
That was fun. Let's do it again next week.
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