Familiarity

The past year has been a fair emotional roller-coaster for me and I found I have had periods of reflection on a rather lengthier and perhaps deeper basis than some of those helter-skelter, no-time-to-breathe years that have gone before it.

In particular, I think a lot about those people that have come into my life from outside, that is to say without the bonds of family, but have become inportant to me as friends, comrades or even as lovers. Why is it that from some people you crave more? More time, more meetings, more love, more moments - some people you simply have not had enough of in one chance meeting, whereas others will come and go, pleasant, but not memorable enough to you to imprint themselves onto you.

I have come to the conclusion that everyone who remains in your life does so because they have a hook which happens to latch on to you very readily and easily. There is at least one thing (and often many) about them that you instantly associate with them on thinking of them which you identify with them alone and as a comfort to want 'more'. Now this is hardly earth-shattering insight into the nature of human relationships, but that is not the point. The point is, I have had time to think about the people in my life and understand a little better why they are there.

For example, I recently met up with some friends from University whom I haven't seen in a decade and a half. It was a very pleasant evening, and I particularly thought to myself how there was no real awkwardness or 'estrangement' there. Of course, our respective lives have gone off in very different directions and with different goals and priorities, but at the heart of it all, all those little indicators that kept these people as friends all that time ago were still there - from the bizarre like the way a pool cue is held to the way words and phrases are spoken. I like the way these guys do those things, it feels comfortable and familiar and brings to mind misadventures of long ago. Enjoyable misadventures.

People who do not remain leave no imprint. There is nothing about the way they do things that gels with you. It is neither their, nor your fault, they just can't latch on to you, and so you will never be close to them. When I have fallen in love, it was never about the way someone looks - that just means you want to sweet talk them in the first place. No, the things that make you fall in love are a whole suite of familiarities and comforts. I like the way you breathe when you sleep, I like how you brush toast crumbs from your chin. I like how you flash with anger.

Why am I posting about this today? Because I am feeling reflective, because I love my friends very much and I don't tell them that enough and because I feel the need to tell people more often WHY I love them. So if you know me, and I happen to mention how I like the way you bob your head when you are talking, take it as it is meant, as a confirmation of why I love you.