The Trap

Trapped, he cannot escape memories caught
In endless loop. The relentless drumming of
Shame, regret and agony pounding a beat
In the otherwise still and frozen night
Accompany his memorial dirge.
A baleful tribute to everything that
Has ripped him apart and left him
Ragged, defenceless and bereft of hope.
His clenched fist taps along in rhythm to
This torture, hammering on his temple,
As if pleading for rage to be let inside
To decimate and desecrate his broken mind.
He long since lost the sense of pain from nails
Dug into his palms, fists now combing hair
He would rip from his scalp if only he could
Unclench. What began as tears has become
A torrent, glottal fire at the back of his throat
As he fights for every breath, taking in the raw
Untrustworthy air.
So often he has been here, the past played
On loop, constant variations on a theme,
All roads leading to ruin.
As he rocks and feels himself subside,
Shattered, he is taken by the fear that
This time he may not make it back.