Compulsion

This is my first posting on Blogger so an introduction is in order for anyone who strays this way. I'm Dave, I am 38 and I live in Norfolk in the kingdom of East Anglia, now subsumed into the UK. I also suffer from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, so if you see this post 8 times in 4 colours, that's why.

Sorry, that was just a little OCD joke. I also have a macabre sense of humour. Just as well given how abrasive OCD can be on your day to day activity. I know I don't need to check the door is locked over and over again, the cats playing in my front garden know it, the birds singing in the trees know it and the curious neighbour walking their dog who stops to watch the strange man checking his door knows it. Doesn't alter for a moment the compulsion and the fact of doing it.

And there is the rub. It's getting 'caught' that hurts. It is being seen. It is having to justify your actions which sit squarely in the unjustifiable camp from the viewer's standpoint. It is the disappointment in myself, the shame and horror of being abnormal, unusual, watched. Suddenly you are an outsider in your own front yard, a stranger to those that know you. The guilt and the shame wash over and the compulsion feeds off the negative energy. Just one more check, just one more check.

I've lived with it for 38 years, I am determined to beat it. I'll laugh and sing and enjoy everything as I always have and I will beat OCD, remove it, end it.

I thought a little introduction was in order. Stop back and I'll have plenty more to offer. I write poetry, short stories, love politics and chewing the fat on any number of issues. I am a Mudpuddlin man who has discovered the Web Log.