Something troubles me, Mudpuddlees. Given that its the time of year VH1 have their annual 'play Christmas music until you vomit' 2 month extravaganza, I have had plenty of opportunity to revisit that Eighties chestnut of note, Last Christmas. The remarkable thing about this video and song is just how many things about it bother me. Bother me enough to write some nonsense in my blog. A notable irritation.
Let's ignore, for the sake of my sanity, the elephant in the room. That being, George's later coming out. Even without this monstrous pachyderm trumpeting it's presence, the damn song has no end of things wrong with it.
Firstly, when George and friends arrive in their 4x4s at the cable car, some of their group are already present and waiting. They all wave at each other like imbeciles (except George who looks casually cool throughout). Nobody in the wide wide world of sports waves like that at people they already know in greeting. You might, if a little bit simple, wave like that in parting, but not when meeting up. Especially when there is no-one else there that you need to distinguish yourself from in identification of travelling companions.
George has a new girlfriend this Christmas - a sultry blonde vixen who gets far too little camera time herself in the video. Why, therefore, is he singing about a woman he was with the year before? Is he not satisfied with the blonde? If not, he should let her go, for to do otherwise is ignoble of the Whamster. I know her not, but I deem she deserves better.
As for this temptress of the previous Noel, it occurs to me that George only gave her his heart on Christmas Day, and she gave it away the very next day. Is a year not long enough to get over this intense 24 hour relationship? You gotta let it go buddy, she has moved on.
Talking of which, she is with Andrew Ridgley - you know, the talented one from Wham - not only are you moping after a girl who had your heart for 24 hours a year ago George, she is now with your musical partner. There is something seemy, borderline incestuous and not a little creepy about this whole arrangement.
Now, the gang of winter cabin holidaymakers all go outside for a snowball fight. George is shown standing aside from the action looking wisftful and afraid. He looks, in fact, like a small boy who's mother has told him he is not to play in the snow with the other boys. What the hell?! Get a grip man, you are not alone with your former one day love out there, indeed your new girlfriend might appreicate your company. What is so terrible about larking in the snow that wasn't a factor five minutes ago when you were laughing and joking with Pepsi and Shirley?
Then we have the whole incident with the brooch - the video intimates that George gave his ex-lover a brooch the previous Christmas and her hand is seen stroking it this year. But, wait a moment, the glittery brooch is on Andrew Ridgley's jacket!?!! So, she not only has with her the brooch given to her by her ex-lover, she gives this (rather effeminate) brooch to his musical partner and her current beau to wear to a dinner they are all attending.
On top of all this, there is the whole issue of timescales. From what I can gather a large group of people meet, get a cable car into the mountains to a cabin they have rented. They decorate the cabin, including a Christmas tree, have a snowball fight and then dinner and having kipped overnight, go back down the mountain the next day! Frivolous wasting of money and a rather poor holiday if you ask me.
So, there we have it. Last Christmas irks me. It makes no sense and is more replete with plot holes than the Bobby in the shower Dallas episode.
Discuss! ;p
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